venting yet again=(
Thank you all for the support on my last blog! I am still really down=(
The thing that sucks is I am doing this to myself! I think the whole grad school is getting to me. I have been taking pre-rec classes to get my masters in speech language pathology, and have been doing great. But the problem is that it seems next to impossible to get into a graduate program. Most only accept between 15-20 people a year…all with grade points wayyyy higher then mine. So the question is do I stick with this in hope that someday somewhere will accept me? Or do I go and get my masters in special ed…I know I can get into that program and know I would be good at that job as well. (I work as an assistant for that now)…..
I wish I could just find a decent paying job without going back to school! But I am prety sure that’s not going to happen, so I have too. Which brings me to my next problem…I am scared to death of driving on the highways. Which causes a problem in going back to school being that the cheepest school is downtown. You can get there w/o them but it’s on the crazy old long bridge, which doesn’t sound much better to me. This has caused so many problems for me, but I can’t help it I’m SCARED!!! Even when I am on the freeway with someone else driving I feel like we are going to get hit and I get all jumpy and nervous. It’s really holding me back=(
I also want to quit smoking. I’ve smoked way too long and way too much. Everyone keeps saying you have to REALY want to quit to quit…..Do I ever think I will REALY want to quit…NO!!! I enjoy it, it’s a part of my routine and a part of socializing… But if I weigh the pro’s and con’s obviously there are wayyy more pro’s to quitting. I set a date for Aug. 1st to be my quit date. I’m scared…I don’t know if I can do it…I’ve already been sabataging my weight loss, and this in my head is going to give me one more excuse to EAT EAT EAT.
Oh buddies I don’t know I was hoping to come on here today with a new positive attitude (I really used to be VERY positive, so much so I’m sure it bugged others, lol) I just can’t seem to get back there. I want to be positive, and I want to get over my stupid fears…I want to quit smoking, and make a decision on school….I want I want I want…….
Well I can want things till I’m blue in the face but now it seems like I have to DO something about it!!!! oh where do I start…
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i can’t help you get on the highway, but good luck with the quitting smoking. See if you can lower your cigarette count weekly until quitting august 1st. A lot of people ive talked to said that was easier than just quitting cold turkey on a given date
I gave up smoking 7 years ago - you have really got to want to do it for you and you have to be at your point of readiness - the people that told you this are right. Theres no point doing it for anyone else - your motivation will not be right.
Life without cigarettes is great - there is nothing to fear in giving them up - but thats easy for me to say! - been there done that.
You have a lot on your mind right now - how about just deciding which is the most pressing issue and giving yourself a break about the others ?!
Shelli X
Hang in there and keep it up!
I think that Shelli has great advice. There’s so much swirling around in your head right now that you can’t possibly focus on anything. I have my days like that, where I feel like I am being crushed by the weight of the world. Take some deep breaths and decide what to focus on first. You set Aug 1 as your non-smoking day…that decision is made, so there’s no need to dwell on it. Check it off the list and move on!
Good luck!
First of all….I am absolutely petrified of driving period. I hate it. I dont even like being a passenger in a car on the highway either. I feel like everyone is changing lanes and we are in their blindspot. I hate driving in the rain, the snow, at night, etc. Lol. I guess its good to here I’m not the only annoying passenger out there!
Secondly, quiting smoking will be hard! But you can do it..I promise! DO NOT use it as an excuse to eat more though. I dont know about where you live, but in Ontario smoking is pretty much illegal everywhere now. Cant smoke in bars, in public parks, school campuses etc. Even in my office you can only smoke in one area and it is not covered. I think that those types of laws are helping people quit smoking. I couldnt smoke on my college campus, and I couldnt smoke in bars, and I couldnt smoke at my office without freezing my ass off so i just quit. It became an inconvenience to smoke so I just gave up. Try a smokers helpline too.
Lol Sorry if this comment didnt make alot of sense and was kinda rambling..but I relate to alot of your issues. Good luck sweetheart. You can do this
Are there reasonings behind you being scared on the highway? I used to be scared of the highway too. When I first started driving I almost got hit by a semi on the highway. But my husband taught me a more reasuring way to drive on the highway. Sometimes you just got to find a way to over come your fears. I know its hard to find a high paying job right now, but its like that everywhere. I am lucky I have been at my job as long as I have been. i make a little over 10 dollars an hour, and I know that really isn’t a lot now days, but I cant go anywhere and make that. As far as the schooling, you have to make sure you have it in your heart to go for the grad program. If you don’t have it in your heart, truely, then you need to find something else. I think all of your fears and stress are weighing you down. I had alot of stress, until I started working out, now I am alot more carefree. I take whatever is bothering me to the gym and I work it out. Makes for a more intense workout, and a wonderful outcome. As for quitting smoking, that is all up to you. If you put it in your head that you don’t NEED to smoke, you can do it. You have to be the one to do it, and you can only do it for you. If you are doing it for someone else it just wont work out. I know you can do this, and I know you have the willpower. Just think of hte money you would save just by not buying smokes.
I know its hard to be positive at times, but you are seeing the negativity in yourself and you are actually wanting and trying to do something about it. I hope my ramblings helped you.
Good luck, and remember we are here for you!
Are there reasonings behind you being scared on the highway? I used to be scared of the highway too. When I first started driving I almost got hit by a semi on the highway. But my husband taught me a more reasuring way to drive on the highway. Sometimes you just got to find a way to over come your fears. I know its hard to find a high paying job right now, but its like that everywhere. I am lucky I have been at my job as long as I have been. i make a little over 10 dollars an hour, and I know that really isn’t a lot now days, but I cant go anywhere and make that. As far as the schooling, you have to make sure you have it in your heart to go for the grad program. If you don’t have it in your heart, truely, then you need to find something else. I think all of your fears and stress are weighing you down. I had alot of stress, until I started working out, now I am alot more carefree. I take whatever is bothering me to the gym and I work it out. Makes for a more intense workout, and a wonderful outcome. As for quitting smoking, that is all up to you. If you put it in your head that you don’t NEED to smoke, you can do it. You have to be the one to do it, and you can only do it for you. If you are doing it for someone else it just wont work out. I know you can do this, and I know you have the willpower. Just think of hte money you would save just by not buying smokes.
I know its hard to be positive at times, but you are seeing the negativity in yourself and you are actually wanting and trying to do something about it. I hope my ramblings helped you.
Good luck, and remember we are here for you!
i hate driving… so I get you completely. I barely drive only if I really have to.
Scared to death and usually have to take some meds if I drive. As for the rest I liked Shelli’s advice so i will not recap it.. but it is great advice
Take a breath chick, it will all fall together the way it’s suppose to. You sound very smart & that you pretty much already know what you SHOULD do? I think you just need to go for it. Hang in there, you’ll have better days.
Hey hun, have you considered any of the schools in Michigan? I used to live in Michigan and they have some great schools that you could go to for grad school. I personally got some of my grad school done at Central Michigan University. Western Michigan University is another good one. It isn’t you hun. There are a lot of people out of work so they are going back to school. This makes getting into grad and doctoral programs even harder. Second of all, if you are interested in quitting smoking I think you could do it. I quit four years ago, it wasn’t easy but trust me when I say it is totally do able. I know times are hard right now you just can’t take it personally.
I used to be terrified of driving on the highway, then one day I had to (to take care of something while my then-husband was out of town). I was sweating so bad I could barely hold the steering wheel! But I did it, and I still don’t like it, but I will if I have to. Just remember to keep a distance from other cars. My father taught me to assume every other driver on the road can’t drive and to give them plenty of room!
U sound so much like me just a few years ago. i am NOt kidding, either. I had so much anxiety about everything and about everything. I wanted a better job but was scared to go back to school, tried various things and now am getting my masters in counseling. I was TERRIFIED of highway driving and bridges—which sux cause I live RIGHT on the Mississippi and when I go to St. Louis I have to cross bridges ! I also smoke and everytime i smoked i would see 7 minutes fall off my life. I was wrecked with misery and anxiety and I know it was because my life was not where I wanted it to be. i was in that miserable relationship, I was sad and fat and depressed. I thought about death ALL the time. It was awful. this past year is the first time in years I didnt experience seasonal affective disorder. Skipped right on by me. I still smoke but I am on those highways and bridges on a daily/weekly basis ! If u can get past letting all those thoughts control, it will be easier to make all these decisions. Now the flying in airplanes thing still freaks me out but … Big hugs girl, if I could get you all my journals for the past several years, you’d prob be like OMG—so similar ~~~
Girl, you will get your mojo back. Everyone goes through high points and low points. Just take a breather and figure one thing out at a time. Make a list of priorities. Make a list of things to do. I like lists, they help me out a lot! Make yourself a schedule of weening yourself off the cigarettes. Just take it all one step at a time. No one could ever be expected to handle so many things at once. Just step back, and try to tackle one thing, then the next. It might help! And just know were all here for you love! Dont stop trying, and whatever you need help with, you know were here!!! Keep going girl! You can do this, ok? =]