09ISTHETIME

Buddies I have been way too hard on myself.  I always have been, but latly I’ve been MEAN to me!!!  Maybe it’s that I’m off of work for the summer and I have too much time…Maybe it’s becuase I’m finally realizing after a YEAR apart from the ex, that no we are not getting back together and that’s probably a good thing…..Maybe I just want my life to change……

Regardless here are some good things about me……

I am really nice!

I am thoughtful of everyone’s feelings

I am a good listener, I always listen to my friends/family problems even if it’s the same one over and over, lol

I am a hard worker

I have taken 3 classes towards my goal of grad school and got an A in everyone so far!

I have lost 15 pounds

I resist going shopping when all my friends do

I have a pretty face

ok, That last one was hard to write! lol I don’t know why, it’s so hard to be nice to ME!!! 

I know many of you must struggle with the same, so tell me something good about you!

Ok buddies I FINALY hit my mini goal of 191 woohoo!!!  I have been on W.W. for 13 weeks and have lost 13 pounds.  I will take it!!!! 

I have to admit that I had a horrible day yesterday though.  I can’t find a summer job(i’m off for the summer) and I think it’s realy getting to me!  I about 900 cal. worth of a frozen pizza…no good!!!!  I knew I was going to feel bad after I ate it but I did it anyways!  UH, sometimes I get so mad at myself!!!!  I think alot of it has to do with my ex.  I sometimes still get sad (it’s been a year) that he didn’t want to marry me.  I guess sometimes I feel like I will never be good enough for anyone.  When I was smaller, I still felt fat and self consious.  I want this time to be differant.  I want my outside to match my inside.  I remember going to Hawaii and I was probably @ 150 (i’m 5′7) and I was still so embarrased to be seen in a one piece bathing suit.  I remember my uncle saying ohh give that food to megan she will eat anything.  I remember thinking God if only I was skinny no one would say anything to me!  Thing was I was at a pretty healthy weight then.  A weight I would die to be at now! 

I think it’s becuase my sister is SOOOOOOO skinney!  She’s like 5′9 and weight @ 130.  So everyones always telling her to eat a cheeseburger so she doesn’t blow away.  I just wish I could be happy and celebrating the fact that I have lost 15 pounds.  I am more proud of the fact that I have lost 13 in 13 weeks.  The good old fashioned healthy way.  But the thing is I know if I don’t get my attitude straight I will be right back where I started. 

Sorry for rambling!!! I’m done now=)  Lets have a GREAT weekend buddies!!!!

You hear so much on T.V.  that people who are overweight have “emotional issues” that they have to deal with before they can be successful at weight loss.  I wonder if this is true!  I would think some are overweight because of the lifestyle they live.  I don’t think I have figured out WHY I am overweight.  I wonder WHY people seem to loose weight so much faster then me.  I wonder WHY I loose a couple pounds and then gain a few back.  If I keep putting my self back where I started, why even bother in the first place.

So I am asking all of you buddies, why do you think you are/were overweight?

Yum, I ate mcdonalds today, totaly enjoyed it and I don’t feel guilty at all!!!!  I had a cheeseburger (single) sm. f.f. and a diet coke.  It was so delisiuos and worth the 12 points it cost me!!!!  I also got a fruit and yogart from there which by the way is delisious and ate that a couple of hours later. 

I don’t know why I feel so good about eating at mcdonalds but I do! lol.  I think becuase before it would have been a large fry, coke and a hot fudge suday that I added to my cheeseburger. 

P.S. why the heck is a double cheeseburger on the dolar menu but a single one is like 1.30 or something!?!??!  hmm…wonder why this country is so overweight!!!

GRRRR!!!!  It’s 3am and I can’t sleep!!!  Just coming back from a week off (school schedule) and I have to be at work at 730! Second night in a row of no sleep=(  I feel so anxsious (no idea how to spell!)  alot of the time!!!  I think it is because of the possible lay off at my work.  I am a technicaly a teachers assistant even though I haven’t been in the classroom for the past two years (which is what I signed up for!) and I work my butt off, I go above and beyond all the time.  Here to find out that that does not matter, they just go by the last date of hire, not on merit at all!!  Makes me so mad that some people do nothing and are gaurenteed a job.  My boss says this is how the union does it….I’m like but were not in a union!!!  GRRRRR ok enough about that=)

Also all my friends are talking about their trip over memorial day to put in bay….I can’t go cause I don’t have the funds.  I know I am being a big cry baby, but I have to be happy 4 them and need to get it out somewhere so I don’t eat a gallon of ice cream! lol.

Ok and just one more thing….I can’t seem to break away from the ex….sliped up big time with him sat. night. grrr oh well.  He has made it perfectly clear that he does not ever want to get married or live together, but yet he still wants to hang out all of the time.  He gives me money to help pay my rent, takes me out to dinner ext.   And I know what all of you are thinking that I am a booty call, and if I was then our whole situation would make sense to me!  But we have done it ONE time in the past year we have been broken up, and that’s only becuase I crawled in bed with him!  Pathetic I know I am!!!!!!  Oh girls, why can’t life just be easy??

Ok ok, done with my b*tching for the night!  I’m sorry that this wasn’t about weight, I hope no one is offended, I just needed to get that off my chest.  Is it ok to blog on here about other things?  I hope so=)  But…on a bright side I have just shared my feelings, instead of stuffing my face, which is what I really really really feel like doing right now!!!  Thank you all for listening, you guys are the best!

Ok, well as you know I started back on weight watchers.  Well last week I went over my points and lost 1.6lbs.  This week, I stuck to everything and didn’t even use all of my flex points and lost .8!!!! (that was friday)  I was sooooooooooooooooooooo discouraged.  I’m like why the f am I doing this??? I turned down cookies, cake and candy at work this week, for what!?!?! .8lbs!  It’s just not worth it!!! In my head I was thinking I would rather have .8 of a pound on me and enjoy all the bad stuff!!!! (not rationalizing that I prob would have gained a pound!) So I totaly messed up Sat. and Sunday.  I ate so much candy and junnk food.  Why do I psych myself out???? I am so my own worst enemy!!!!  I know if I keep following the plan it will work!!!   I guess I just have to keep telling myself thjat, and even if I have a bad week on the scale after I followed the diet then I know it will catch up and show on the scale!!!  So I’m back on track today, walked 2 miles and eating good.  I just hope my 2 day mess up doesn’t make me GAIN this week!!!! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

lol, ok I’m rabling!!! Everyone have a great week

Wow, I didn’t come on here for a month and gained 10 pounds!!!!  How come it is sooooo easy to gain weight, but Soooooo hard to loose it!?!?!?  Well I went back to weight watchers last friday (3/20) and weighed in at 205.  On 3-27 I weighed in at 200.  So I’m doing good so far.  I’m strugling and it’s only week 2 back on the wagon!!!  I have to get that inner stregnth back….I want this so bad!  I don’t get why I keep sabatoging myself?  Is it bordom? Laziness?  I don’t get why I keep doing this to myself.  I start off so great then poof I quit.  ok I’m done rambling!

Hi buddies!!!  Boy have I been a bad buddy and blogger!!!  Sorry about that, I have been crazy busy, and havn’t been focusing on this as much as I should!  Well my birthday has came and gone, and I did not meet my mini goal of loosing 15 pounds by then=(  But I did loose 11, so I’m ok with that.  I havn’t been exercising at all, but I have still been semi-concious of what I have been putting in my mouth.  Out tonight with friends for my bday, so that should be fun!  I plan on getting back on the bandwagon (once again!) on Monday.  I promise I will try to be a better buddy!!!!

Well as predicted I gained this week!  One pound, but hey that’s ok!  I am sticking with it!  My wonderful group the “WONDER WOMEN” have three challenges this week, water, 120 exercise, and to eat one fruit and veg. a day.  Well I’m 2 for three, been getting my water and veggies, but no exercise.

ok, now I’m going to make an excuse for that! lol I have just felt really blah lately……TRANSLATION……I’M LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m tired of the workout videos!!!  Good news though I am getting my eliptical machiene back from my friend in a week!  I love that thing, and so happy to have it back!  Only bad thing is that I have to take her to dinner and I’m broke!  (she took me to dinner when I left it at her house).  But it will be worth it. 

My group was talking about making some kind of poster or sign to inspire us (individualy at our homes).  Has anyone else done this kind of thing?  If so what did you put on yours?

Just got home from a superbowl party, and let me tell you I am FULL!!!  WAY too full!!!  I totaly fell off the wagon.  The only good thing I did was not drink.  Other then that, I felt like a garbage disposal.  I am trying to figure out why when I start I can’t STOP!!!  Well I’m sure I can, but I don’t stop soon enough! 

It’s like I never think I can have pizza again, so I shove it in.  I’m never going to have chips again, so I shove them in, and keep going!  UHHH, I feel so gross and disgusting!!!  I am not proud of myself right now.  I am not looking foward to weighing in tomorrow….